So I finished Stardust Crusaders

Geez I wish I’d typed one of these for PB and BT but wellp that’s the privilege SC gets for giving me a lot to talk about anyways here we go long post ahead

So okay I dunno who knows this from Twitter but I’ve been livetweeting all of JJBA in this thread, or specifically from this tweet onwards if you wanna see the SC stuff. That outta the way I do have some Onions on this part

First of all I loved BT and I cradle it in my arms every time I think about it if that provides context but ANYWAY ON WITH THE SHOW HERE

What I liked

I loved!! The characters themselves!!! I loved the dynamics that the Crewsaders (I saw Sage use that term and I stole it lol) had together. In particular I’ve found myself to be really weak for the friendship between Polnareff and Kakyoin lmfao like. LIKE:

These two have a very very stupid relationship together that hooked me in the second I saw them do that stupid fucking handshake in the submarine. And tbh while the handling of Joseph could’ve done some work I looooooved getting to see him be stupid again even in his fuckin’ what fifties? I love him

Kakyoin isn’t really there all that much and is mostly The Smart Guy but he’s earned my blorbofication also. Kakyoin is just fantastic. I like him a lot, and I think he had a lot of potential if he were explored more, but even as he stands in canon he’s like [bathes him in slime] :) he’s in his natural habitat

(Because you will subscribe to my headcanon that Kakyoin likes slime. He has slime bottles. What the fuck is Emerald Splash but some fucked up slime)

That said I don’t quite understand jotakak tbh but I like it and I’m all for it

Jotaro’s MO being gaslighting also made me die laughing when I realized that was exactly what he was doing. He really is Joseph’s grandson

I also liked a lot of the villains. Hol Horse, obviously. Vanilla Ice was also kind of a “holy shit girl help” kind of deal and fun to watch, though I wish he’d been around for longer. I liked Pet Shop and N'Doul too. I also liked the concept of the killer baby lmao. And oh oh even though I didn’t really like her I think Enyaba’s arc was extremely fun and had potential to be really fucked up

I also liked the showdown against Dio a LOT. I thought it was real menacing and while it kind of fell apart at the end I think that was satisfying to watch, and I was DELIGHTED to see my babygirl return and eat an entire ham on stage. Also Kakyoin and Avdol are both totally alive and well :) I accept my downfall and join the copium gangs

(Iggy is on trial)

Also I had a running gag about the Crewsaders not getting to eat a meal for the entire show without it getting ruined or interrupted and I really do miss that little bit of stupid humour already.

Like. Polnareff shows up and nobody eats lunch. The gang gets to a hotel and nobody gets to eat a proper meal and all of Polnareff's refreshments are taken out of the fridge so they suck now. Fakeyoin and Jotaro get coconut drinks and they don't get to enjoy them. The kid doesn't finish his popsicle. The gang orders chai and once more Polnareff ruins lunch. The gang stops at a restaurant during the Wheel of Fortune shit and lunch gets ruined. Nobody gets to enjoy a kebab

But hey at least they can eat the roasted camels I GUESS

What I didn’t like

Why the FUCK did Araki think it’d be a great idea to pad out the story with the ENTIRE arcana as villains showing up within the first half of the story. So many enemies got reduced to jokes, and then he brings in EVEN MORE enemies as Egyptian gods and it’s like… see THOSE had interesting abilities, but I was so burnt out on wanting to get the plot moving already, damn it, that I didn’t have that much fun. N'Doul and Pet Shop were fine. I liked what Anubis did, and then he got turned into a joke. The rest? Mostly also turned into jokes too. Whatever

I get it, this is a fun show. Pretty nice. I had a lot of fun at the start of it. Fights were long-winded and kind of bullshit but that’s what you expect out of JJBA. At least we had a plot even if throwing the ENTIRE FUCKING ARCANA at the protagonists was a stupid, stupid, bloated idea. It works. Whatever.

Then you get to the second half and what the fuck is this.

Suddenly you ran out of shit to pad your shitty excuse for a plot that hasn’t advanced in like 30 episodes and you ran out of arcana so you add Egyptian gods because why the fuck not. You waste my time making battles that are pointless and not even funny after the nth time of watching weird shit happen that you undercut with Funny–because we HAD weird shit that ultimately doesn’t really hurt the characters happen already, that’s not the problem, the problem is your fucking theme of japes blaring in the background as I spend 22 minutes watching idiots fumble about as if this were a fucking filler episode for Naruto or some shit.

Sure. Whatever. What-the-fuck-ever I’ll ride it out until I get to the ending which is apparently the only thing worth looking forward to anymore, right. I’ll ride it out. Who cares.

And then there’s Hol Horse.

You give me… you give me the start of that episode where he actually has a confrontation with Dio, where Dio seems to actually see something in him that’s worth something or whatever, and you put the writing on the wall FROM THE FIRST HALF OF PART 3 that he’s not all that loyal to Dio’s cause, right. You do all of that. Clearly this scene is pointing me somewhere. Clearly you want me to think oh maybe Hol Horse is gonna heel face turn or whatever. You’re pointing me there.

And then you just fucking give him two episodes of fumbling about like a goddamn moron, shooting himself in the head, and retire the character.

I’m sorry, what the fuck is this? Does nothing fucking matter anymore? Is nothing serious anymore? Clearly I can sit back and stop caring about the relationship between the Crewsaders you built up because suddenly they’re all acting like assholes towards each other “just because it’s funny” and suddenly if they’re in danger I turn into the irl equivalent of the “Oh no! Anyway” meme. What the FUCK is this.

I thought Part 3 was the golden child of the series, but instead it just genuinely disappointed me with how much of a slog it was to get through. That combined with its tone being stuck between serious and funny until Araki comes in and goes like “Oh fuck the ending is here and I wasted all this time fucking around?? Uhhhh ok wait” then he kills Avdol and goes “haha TIME TO CRYYYY” as if that were gonna work. At least Kakyoin’s death felt more gut-wrenching (haha ow) because the tone was already serious, but that’s still a cop-out to me.

Like Araki’s writing at the end of SC literally feels like this image


And I bring up the tone issue because Hol Horse had this too. I mention it in the post but Hol Horse going from a serious scene with Dio like this

To shooting himself in the fucking head for a cheap joke

What, and pardon my Spanish, the absolute fuck was that. This extends to Dio too because–oh we beat him with a kick? Ok. He already did such a big deal out of sucking grandpa silly so now he’s so powerful he literally turned Joker moment digging his own nails into his skull and he’s a MADMAN and THREATENING and whoop we kick him and he goes poof like a piñata. Your huge villain, killed like a fly within seconds. Bro.

God. Anyway

Unfortunately I also find that Polnareff is both a character I love and a character I hate. I loved the way he developed, his struggles, his friendships. Polnareff was for better or for worse the heart of the crew. I feel like he’s the type of guy to genuinely ask everyone how they’re doing and check in on their feelings whenever he’s stopped being a piece of shit diva going woe is me and getting mad for being bullied by everyone. I like him for that

But Polnareff also takes up so much screentime… screentime that should’ve been devoted to other members of the cast. Kakyoin pulled a Caesar and got his shit explained the episode he DIED. Joseph got reduced to an old man joke and Hamon to a sidenote. Avdol got put on a bus for most of the show and died twice to save fucking Polnareff. And Iggy would’ve been interesting if he hadn’t been a literal fart joke from the start of his stay

And Jotaro… bro Jotaro. I found him extremely compelling in the fight with Dio and the last few episodes where he revealed that gaslight gatekeep girlboss is his MO. I love that about him. I think he’s fascinating for that. Nerves of steel but realizing he needs others to break before he does so he can do anything substantial. Cool as fuck. Ok now why did he get all this screentime and development in the second half while Polnareff was having an existential crisis about sacrifice and death and several episodes to himself

It’s complicated. I love Polnareff. I hate Polnareff. Just

Final thoughts

Part 3 is flawed. I can see where Araki improved as a writer and where he still needs polish, and I hope these issues get addressed in Part 4. But Part 3 is absolutely overhyped and I’m not that happy w it overall, and since I hear Part 5 absolutely fucks, I hope it lives up to that and I don’t get swindled by the popularity hiding some glaring problems nobody seems to talk about when I mention it beforehand

Although to be fair, most of my issues with the show boil down to “why did we waste so much time” tbh. We spent so damn long frolicking in the sand making fart dick and bullying jokes I eventually stopped watching for a week just to calm down and prepare myself to waste more time. That hadn’t happened to me, even with PB. It was a shock

I will eventually revisit Part 3 as I get a friend through this w me though, and we’ll see if my thoughts change at all with the rewatch. For now though… thank fuck it’s over (affectionate)